.

I want to write something grand. Something so beautiful that it makes people feel like they have to share it. I want to write something so profound and salient that the reader will be left with the conclusion that it couldn't be any other way. I want to write something that captures the most basic elements of the human condition. I want to speak to the saints and the douche-bags. I want to take prisoners in their cells to the same place as happy mothers of three. To the very core of their existence. I want to write something so universal that it makes people stop what they're doing. I want them to think for just a moment. We're all people doing the same things, chasing the same feelings. We're all deities. God's of the little worlds around us. I haven't yet, but there is a lot to be learned before that's possible. I could spend the rest of my life just trying to understand the things close to me as I write this. The world is so beautiful, so complex and so familiar. I wish we could spend less time killing each other. Less time scheming against one another and less time hurting each other. I worry that it's natural for humans to kill each other. It doesn't have to be that way. I know it could be better, but I don't know how to change it, not yet. Can we re-program ourselves? Is it all psychological? So many people live free from significant physical suffering, but they still cry. They suffer, but from what? I'm one of them, I live almost free of physical hardship. I'm a joke, blessed with excess and plagued by my own sentience. That must be the human condition, the universal truth, it's a tragedy.

Tragedy: A form of art based on human suffering that offers its audience pleasure

Corrade: To wear or crumble away through abrasion

My Favorite Place on the Internet

Craigslist.com SF bay area is probably my favorite place on the entire web. The website has been almost the same since I discovered it years ago. There is nothing fancy, no flash, pictures, banners or anything. . That's part of the beauty of the site, its just so simple. Text and people looking for others with common interests. I have used Craigslist numerous times before to buy and sell various items. Things are almost always available for far below the market price on Craigslist and they even have a free section if your not willing to pay anything. If you're not concerned with buying and selling goods though don't worry. Craigslist is well known for its other services. There is a community section if you're trying to promote something or organize events, and there is always my favorite, the personals section. Some of the weirdest posts show up in that section. There are platonic channels, men for men channels women for men and just every other combination of sexes. Of all of the sections in the personals though missed connections is my absolute favorite. The missed connections section exists for individuals to leave posts addressing someone they were unable or too scared to approach. Often the missed connections section reads something like "Dear beautiful girl with red hair on the subway with a soft slender figure, I wished our eyes could have met as your train passed...". Most of the time people leave anonymous posts. My friends and I have found some real gems browsing them on a boring afternoon. My girlfriend receives all kinds of missed connections posts expressing creepy amounts of affection for her. Sometimes I get an honorable mention as the lucky boy dating the girl of their dreams. It's kind of creepy, but at least it gives me something to browse when it's cold outside and I don't have any homework.

Good times included in the link below
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

Orthogonal: Intersecting or lying at right angles; statistically independent

Myopic: Unable to see distant objects clearly, nearsighted

Thanksgiving

Every year since I left home I always travel back for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year I have been so busy I almost forgot that I was supposed to get on a train to go home. Fortunately I made it just in time to the train station on Tuesday. It's always nice to see everyone at home. My family hasn't changed much except for my younger sister. Suddenly she's eighteen, a freshmen in college, and we can carry on a decent conversation. We were actually able to go play pool together at the local pool hall and catch up over a couple of close games. Seeing her grow up is a pleasant change. I think it's going to make it more rewarding to spend time together as family. I was also able to visit my best friends from back home. It's so nice to spend time with the guys I grew up with. We hardly talk except for when we come back home for the holidays. When we get together we always summarize the last six months of our lives over a few beers, give each other a hug, then go home. I never get to stay home long enough to hang out with them more than once. Hopefully when I'm finished with school I'll be able to make more time to visit everyone back home. I really miss everyone here and I think they miss me as well. When I'm home I also make sure to spend some time with my dog Max. We always go for walks together at night to catch up. He doesn't say much, but that's alright with me.

Sycophant: A servile flatterer, especially of those in authority or influence

Moribund: On the point of dying

Fallout

Today I have decided to write about my favorite video games ever made for the PC, Fallout 3. The eerie post nuclear apocalyptic world of Washington D.C. is a place on travel list. Fortunately for me Fallout 3 provides a virtual vacation to this very spot. Starting out as a survivor of a nuclear holocaust with little more than a handgun a map and a set of character traits you find yourself stranded in a radioactive wasteland. You know nothing of the world around you, but you will learn fast. Scavenging everything you can to survive. Along the way they are weapons and resources to be found. You will need these to live in this world. Everywhere in the wasteland, mutated, dangerous radioactive creatures are waiting to slaughter you. Even the cockroaches which are the most benign of all the creatures in this game are a third the size of a human. Left with only a few clues as to how to find your father who left you behind and a gun with a few bullets, you make your way out into the unknown. Soon you will find others in similar peril scattered throughout the wastes in small clusters struggling to survive. This world is a give and take place. In the pursuit of your father you will meet many characters along the way. Some you may help in exchange for what they have, or you might trade for what they need. Others may try to rob you or even kill you. Some will even pretend to be your friend only to stab you in the back when they have the chance. Fallout 3 provides a grim but hopeful prospect for humanity after the nuclear apocalypse of world war three. The human will to survive persists in small desperate settlements scattered throughout the wastes. Whole cites stand empty, as ghosts of human civilization. These buildings serve as tombstones for the residents which were trapped in them years ago when the bombs fell. Desperation pits all against all in the wastes as you battle mutant monsters and villains while navigating treacherous and crumbling D.C. Creating alliances with some factions and declaring war on others as you chase the only person who knows why you're here.

Surreptitious: marked by quiet, caution and secrecy; taking pains to avoid being observed. 

Perfidious: tending to betray

A Few Blocks

Two nights ago I went to go pay a surprise visit to my girlfriend who lives several blocks away. I was there to surprise her because she enjoys that sort of thing. Of course when I arrived at her house to surprise her she wasn't there. That was alright though and I was actually half expecting her not to be home but the effort was well worth it. However when I started walking back home I decided to take a different route that was out of my way and longer than the usual way home. I was walking down a street that I've never actually traveled on before. The houses there were actually quite beautiful and that street seemed almost as if it were part of a neighborhood separate from the rest of downtown. The houses were well kept with decorative lamps set in pairs on the walkway of every home. Small patches of grass were present as if to say ya, this is the American dream, but there were no big lawns. The colors of the houses were nice neutral colors, muted in tone with matching trim. Such a respectable little enclave was hidden under old trees so tall and broad they swallowed every street lamp and extinguished the light from them with their broad leaves. When I walked to the end of the street I found a lonely concrete island in the middle of the intersection. I walked out to the island and looked back down the street. I realized that I only live three blocks from where I was standing. I'm so boring and unadventurous that it's taken me a couple years to find a place only a couple blocks away. There must be lots of interesting stuff close by, I've just never really taken the time to look. School, work, girlfriend and sleep in that order. That's been my life, but maybe there are other things close by. It's probably worth the time to at least take a look.

Prevaricate: To be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or withhold information.

Evocative: Serving to bring to mind.

Fall is Here

Finally San Jose has cooled off. We've made it through summer which means I can breathe again in this third story apartment. I don't sweat in my sleep anymore and I can close my windows. That means I don't have to fall asleep to the freeway lullaby playing a block away from my house. That loud and constant song of whooshing cars and car horns blasting at 80 miles an hour, it's so soothing. Now I get to close myself in the house and sip a cup of black tea. No milk, no honey, the tea is excellent on its own. A nice balance of earthy tannins and sweet fruity flavors. Valley of the hearts delight is what Tori calls it. The newest blend her and her mother put together at my favorite tea shop. I spend a lot of time at my computer reading when it gets colder out. Its only a matter of time until my vision fades if I keep this sort of thing up. I should probably start printing articles I read. It would be better than staring at a screen for hours on end.

Since it's fall and the weather is cooling off that means all the trees are once again shedding their leaves. This means that the piles of yard waste that line the streets every season will reappear. These piles of leaves and other organic refuse have been one of my mortal enemies since I moved here. They consume parking spaces and bike lanes throughout the city. They lie in wait behind cars and around corners on dark nights waiting to get a hold of unsuspecting tires. They do not discriminate between bikes or cars as they are simply trying to ruin unsuspecting individuals. The worst part about these organic tumors is the fact that they must be collected. They are collected by the loudest most awful machine that roams the San Jose streets. The bright green tractor that collects these piles only operates in the wee hours of the morning as I sleep. It only operates at a decibel level equivalent to a jet engine and I'm pretty sure it operates below my balcony four out of five weekday mornings. This green tractor exists to disrupt my last and most precious hours of sleep every week throughout the Fall season.

Ziggurat: An ancient Mesopotamian temple tower consisting of a lofty pyramidal structure built in    
     successive stages with outside staircases and a shrine at the top.

Algorithm: A procedure for solving a mathematical problem in a finite number of steps that frequently
     involves repetition of an operation; broadly: a step-by-step procedure for solving a problem or
     accomplishing some end especially by a computer.

Lucid Dreams

I have come to the conclusion that I would be a much happier person if I developed the ability to have lucid dreams at will. Lucid dreaming is when the dreamer becomes aware that they are dreaming and is then able to exert some level of conscious control in the dream. Maybe I've been inspired by the movie inception, but it has a been a desire of mine since before the movie came out. Until now I never actively pursued the idea, but now I think that it could be something of great recreational value. There are many constraints on my time that prevent me from engaging in leisure activities. Fortunately if I am able to take control of my dreams a whole new world might become available to me. Perhaps I might even be able to lose my ability to perceive time in my dreams and spend years of leisure in bed each night. Truly lucid dreams could provide the most exceptional form of entertainment. Since nothing in a dream is real and nobody can see my dreams there are almost no constraints on what dreams can include. I could create worlds on a whim, defy the laws of physics and throw the societal constraints I adhere to out the window. I would be able to enjoy an open sandbox for the mind where anything I willed was possible.

Profligate: Recklessly extravagant or wasteful in the use of resources

Interlocutor: One who takes part in a conversation or oral discussion

Humanism

A little bit of humanism could go a long way. The idea of humanism is that people are what is important, and human freedom is the most important thing. Humanism denies the supernatural and the mystical. Instead inquiry and careful reasoning are what is promoted. The ideology leaves room for individuals to develop their own meaning and direction in life. The goals are broad but simple and maintain that humans possess basic rights which must be upheld through a generally accepted ethical code which promotes freedom of expression and belief. I don't think that I subscribe to every portion of the humanist philosophy, but I think a little humanistic thought could prevent a lot of self inflicted human misery. I wonder how people can justify killing each other. It would seem more sensible to me to just not talk or maybe move away if grievances can't be settled. Maybe to others the best solution is a dead neighbor. 

Libel: A published false statement that is damaging to a person's reputation; a written defamation

Parsimony: Extreme unwillingness to spend money or resources 

Economics

The curious task of economics is to demonstrate to men how little they really know about what they imagine they can design. -F.A. Hayek

Economics is the feeble attempt by individuals to understand the millions. It tries to find patterns in human behavior through their choices. Most often but not always these choices are observed as exchanges in the market place. Economics makes thousands of unrealistic assumptions and uses the average of everything. In order to assign value to everything and make things quantifiable economists use money. Although it is imperfect, money seems to be the best proxy for value economists have. The study has proven time and time again that the limits of human comprehension can't grasp humanity. However the valuable contribution that economics makes is in the process of economic analysis. Economics uses a positive approach when looking for patterns and correlations. The process is highly logical and moves very slowly in order to maintain a clear path when working through very large bodies of information. The study is still very young and it continues to develop in depth, clarity and complexity with every decade. I like to imagine the growth of the study as similar to that of early medicine. When doctors first began to learn about the human body they made all kinds of outrageous mistakes and assumptions. Slowly people began to realize what was good and bad medicine. Lobotomy is no longer common procedure as it was during the early years of medicine for good reason. I think that the same thing will happen with economics. Large industrial societies which are the main subject of study for economists are a new development in the history of man. It will take hundreds of years to develop a sensible understanding of the great human forces that now dominate our lives.

Subterfuge: an artifice or expedient used to evade a rule, escape a consequence, hide something, etc.


Lassitude: weariness of body or mind from strain, oppressive climate,etc.; lack of energy; listlessness; languor.

The Webs

The internet is the most glorious thing that I have ever had access to in my entire life. Even though the vast majority of content hosted on the internet is garbage and pornography. There is more valuable information than I will ever be able to comprehend floating around in cyberspace. Nearly everything I have ever wanted to know is within thirty keystrokes and a confident slap of the return key. What is more important is that human interactions across the world are bridged in a matter of seconds. Ideas that before could have taken days or even years to travel around the world can spread in minutes. Humans all over the world can communicate share and explain with millions of other people. Information has never been so difficult to contain and in many cases the internet has liberated ideas and individuals and is cause for human celebration. Some countries have even gone so far as to make internet connections one of the basic rights of citizens. The internet is an incredible catalyst for the growth of human consciousness. It has become the collection of the thoughts, ideas and actions of billions of people easily accessible for the individual and a constant reminder of the larger context of the individual life.

Expedient: tending to promote some proposed or desired object; fit or suitable for the purpose.


Magisterial: Having an air of authority.

Tuesday Jam Sessions

When I came to San Jose State there were a lot of things that I left back home. Most of those things I was happy to leave behind. Playing music was not one of them. In high school I was involved with the music program on campus and I also played in a band that I had created with a few of my closest friends. The only problem was that I was a drummer and when I moved to San Jose I had no place suitable for storing and playing a drum kit and I was going to school for engineering. Attending school was my main priority and I had no choice but to give up playing. For my first three years in San Jose I simply went without. Finally in my third year I moved into a house with roommates who didn't mind me bringing a drum kit along. Ecstatic about the opportunity to start playing again I quickly got a hold of my friend who I knew played guitar in San Jose. We played together a few times and made plans to meet every Tuesday evening for a jam session. We've been doing that for a little over a year now and in the process we have recruited a couple more of our friends to form a new band. Tuesday jam sessions which have been a weekly retreat for me have now become practice for The Suede Cats. In the past month we have finally put together a small handful of songs that we are going to record in a month for an EP. I'm ecstatic to be playing music again and I can't wait to record.

Debonair: Suave, urbane.

Congenial: Having the same nature, disposition or tastes.

Because It's Due

Four days ago I had the most outrageous dream I have ever experienced. It all started when I was in the passenger seat of a Jeep. My good friend Matt Chavez was driving and my anonymous dream friends who were female were sitting in the back. We were driving onto the beach towards the ocean on a road that wound its way straight into the water. We were there to watch the waves and the sunset in honor of the beautiful world we live in. Suddenly the water began to reclaim the beach we were currently parked on. So we decided to put the car in reverse to avoid the rising water. As we were in reverse the scene changed and we were suddenly backing up alongside a news crew van. We stopped and as I looked around I was suddenly in a sport utility vehicle. It was now midday at the beach and the passengers in the car with me were no longer my friends. They had become random girls that I had never met before. Looking outside the driver side window I noticed a man was surrounded by a malevolent aura. He looked like he killed people. One of the girls in the backseat of the vehicle was pointing a camera at him. The lens of the camera caught the eye of the man and as he was about to pass the vehicle he made a sudden turn. Coming around the backside of the vehicle he quickly entered the rear passenger door opposite the driver's side. Reaching into his pocket he began to pull out a weapon and raised his arm to strike the driver. In a panic I looked for anything I could use to stop the assault on the woman driving. Fortunately there was a katana at my feet. As anyone would do in a life or death situation I quickly removed the blade from its sheath. I aimed the point of the blade directly for the mans throat and thrust forward. I was surprised by how easily the blade slipped past the skin. Deciding that I should finish this fight to the death I quickly removed the blade from the man and proceeded to aim for his heart. When I struck the man again I was surprised to see that the progress of my blade was stopped just after breaching the cloth of his shirt. He was wearing body armor. I should have expected as much. The scene flashed and I suddenly found myself in a small room seated next to a couple of federal agents. I was being interrogated for the murder of one of the most notorious contract killers in the United States. As I was trying to become familiar with the small room that I was sitting in another agent walked in. I don't know who he was but I just remember that I hated him. Suddenly I grabbed my chair and threw it in protest of his entrance. Then I grabbed the ash tray and threw it as well. Next I reached for the garbage can and threw that across the room in a desperate attempt to express my distaste for the man. At that moment the dream stopped and I woke up.

Prerogative: a right, privilege, etc., limited to a specific person or to persons of a particular category.

Oeuvre: the works of a painter, composer, or author regarded collectively.  

Where I Sleep

The place where I sleep is a large apartment split into to many small sections shared by five young students. We all used to be engineering students. Now they study engineering and I study economics. My space in the apartment is large enough to hold all of my possessions. There is even a balcony attached to the bedroom where I enjoy spending small portions of my day reading. Our apartment is in the downtown area of one of the largest cities in the United States, San Jose. This city is an interesting combination of urban sprawl, human ingenuity, unequal distribution of wealth, sudden growth, bizarre diversity and stagnation. From my balcony I watch drug addicts and vagabonds wander in the alley below. Children play inside the dumpsters where I dispose of my garbage. My neighbors play ping pong for hours in their backyard between sporadic fights. I like to watch the thugs drink bud light every night under the carport of the adjacent apartment building. They like to whistle when I pass them with my girlfriend. Sometimes I watch the sun melt into the western horizon and sometimes I stay inside and close the blinds. This is the place where I sleep at night and this is the city I have called home for the last four years.

Heteronomous: Subject to external controls and impositions.

Neurosis: A mental and emotional disorder that affects only part of the personality, is accompanied by a less distorted perception of reality than in a psychosis, does not result in disturbance of the use of language, and is accompanied by various physical, physiological, and mental disturbances (as visceral symptoms, anxieties or phobias)